Misery
by NightcatMau
Summary: Valkyrie finally told an insulting perp just what she thought of being called Skulduggery's lover, and now the Skeleton Detective won't speak to her. Oh dear. Rated M for a word kids aren't supposed to read, almost fluffy. Valduggery.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie, Davina, or Skulduggery. Here Val is in her late 30's, Darquesse and Lord Vile are both dead (because it helps the plot) and she is still partnered with Skulduggery. Skulduggery got rid of his facade (also because it helps the plot). POV is Valkyrie's.

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I woke up in Gordon's mansion as I had done for over a decade. It had been two weeks since I'd seen Skulduggery, and if I could help it, it would be two weeks more. About eight criminals in a row had sneered something suggestive to me about him, and I just couldn't take one more go of it.

Ghastly had called, so had Tanith. They were both doing well and raising a baby, but had some concerns over me. Fletcher Renn would have likely married as well, but fell alongside countless others in what people were calling the Final Battle. As if any war, I thought bitterly, was the final one.

Skulduggery was avoiding me as well since our last arrest. Perhaps he'd seen something in my face that day, heard my gasp, or not. I think it was me saying 'What the blinking blue blazes is that supposed to mean?' to the latest leering creep that upset him. I forget he's such an overly proper gentleman at times.

Or maybe when I snarled that Skulduggery was old enough to be my great grandfather several times over. Or the comment about not being into necrophilia, but I was having a bad day that day.

He'd been rigid and silent the whole way home. Not even saying goodbye when I got out.

Now, thanks to having to fake my own death I had no family to go talk to except for Gordon. Who of course pointed out I've been snappish around Skulduggery for weeks, and should have apologized. I had apologized, but apparently not well enough.

I mean this is Skulduggery we're talking about. He'd made it clear in subtle ways over the years that I might be his partner and best friend, but that is as far as it went. I didn't figure my venting on a creep would upset him one way or another. It wasn't as if he loved me in return.

But now I was alone. I couldn't bear to call him, not if he were that offended. Not after my first and only call was met with stony silence. I picked up my copy of 'Misery' by Steven King. I felt just like the protagonist; trapped by my stupid words.

I was about half way through when I heard a slight tap on my window. No it couldn't be. I looked over, and there was Skulduggery, perched on the sill, head cocked to one side. He was dressed all in black for once, and looked good. No he looked fantastic, I'd missed him so much.

I went and opened the window. He stepped in looking at me with an expression I've never seen before on his face. His eyeless sockets bore into me. It made me nervous, so I ducked my head.

"Aren't you going to say you're happy to see me? I did come all this way to see you." He asked, his velvety voice washing over me.

I was startled, he did come all this way, either leaving his disguise in the car or not bothering with it. I looked at him more closely.

After several decades I could tell he'd gotten here as fast as possible. But why rush now after two weeks apart? He was waiting for me to say something, anything. But my mouth felt dry. Facing him now scared me more than an enemy we'd ever faced together.

"I'm sorry, Skulduggery, I really am. But eight perps in a row using the same dig? I just couldn't take it anymore. I mean it was bad enough when Davina did it when I was a teenager. But now? Now it's just insulting."

Skulduggery snorted. "Because I'm old enough to be your grandfather several times over, or your sensible abhorrence of necrophilia?"

I surprised myself with the truth. "Be cause I'm almost forty Skulduggery, even if I do look like I'm eighteen. Pointing out that I'm not, well, normal for my age is sensitive. Not that I want to get married or anything, but I hate the assumption there's something wrong with me if I'm not."

"I shall alert the presses immediately." He said dryly, going over to lounge on my bed. He folded his arms behind his head and peered at me intently.

"You like my new look? I understand black makes you look younger." I realized with a start he'd pocketed his gloves, he never does that. He was smiling at me, looking rather pleased with himself. What exactly, was he up to? I realized he did want a response and my continued gaping silence was amusing him to no end.

"You look great, Skulduggery. Black suits you."

"Ah, black suits me me because I'm dead, does it?" He was having way too much fun with this, he was most certainly up to something. I went over and sat beside him.

"No it suits you because you are an attractive man, as you always point out, and should dress well." I struggled mightily to keep the heat from rising to my cheeks.

"But I'm a skeleton, Valkyrie." He purred. This was too much. I wondered if he'd managed to get drunk somehow. Skulduggery Pleasant was never this nice.

"It isn't as if," he continued, "you find that sort of thing attractive. Pity, since I know full well you've wanted to kiss me for years." He brought one bony hand to fold over mine. I closed my eyes, this couldn't be happening.

I felt him move, but still couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. Was he having fun with me? Carrying one of his jokes too far? Then I felt his teeth press to my lips and one hand grasp me gently around the waist, the other caressing my hair.

When I could open my eyes at last, he was wearing his usual smug expression. "Told you I was right." He boasted. "Of course, I didn't tell you I've wanted that for years as well. Now about the necrophilia-"

I hit him with a pillow before he could say anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own Valkyrie or Skulduggery. Thanks a million to AvengersAssemble7 for the request for a continuation. Val is still in her late 30s same day, same scene. Oh, sorry about the repost, I used the wrong file.

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Skulduggery fell back on my bed, laughing hysterically. "The look on your face right now Valkyrie, is priceless. I wouldn't try anything here, after all. One, I'm a proper gentleman, and two, I hear girls like you prefer their dead lovers in a coffin!"

He burst out laughing even harder and I kept swatting him with the pillow, my cheeks flaming bright red in embarrassment. Skulduggery backed up under my assault to suddenly fall out of bed with a yelp. He only found this funnier.

"I guess a wooden floor," he wheezed, "is just as good as a pine box." Skulduggery tapped it invitingly, then burst into a new round of laughter, snickering so hard that he couldn't even rise up. He tried repeatedly and made it onto all fours, still chortling.

"Are you drunk?" I asked at last.

He shook his head, and managed at last to rise to his knees, then stand shakily. Still shaking and wheezing he staggered to the bed and sit beside me.

"No not drunk. It's just that the look on your face was priceless. I would invite to take you shopping for the coffin with me-"

"Skulduggery!"

"But I know how much you love surprises!" He laughed again, but was clearly worn out. He sagged backwards onto the bed, trying his best to make his expression angelic.

"What makes you think you deserve to be on this bed?" I growled.

"You love me and-"

"And?"

"And you want to jump my bones!"

"So not the right answer, Skulduggery!"

"Vakyrie-"

"Leave, NOW!"

Skulduggery nodded, walked to the window and started to climb out. He looked back, started laughing again, and lost his balance. I ran to the window to see him on the ground, once again shaking in helpless laughter.

"Skulduggery Pleasant, I HATE you!" I shouted down.

At this his amusement only doubled, and he was rolling back and forth, shaking with his mirth. I slammed the window, locking it. I went to my bed, fuming. Only Skulduggery could take a romantic moment and make a joke out of it! A few minutes passed, then I heard him tapping on the window.

I looked over, tempted to leave him out there. But he tilted his head and folded his hands in a prayerful attitude, so I went and let him in. He stepped in, composed now.

He tilted my head up towards him, kissing me deeply, his teeth on my lips making my heart melt for him all over again. He wrapped his skeletal arms around me, and I managed, somewhat shakily to put my own around his neck, not breaking the kiss. We stayed like that for the longest time, and when we parted he looked contrite.

"I apologize. You aren't the only one who's nervous about this you know. I promise to behave with proper decorum in the future if you'll still have me."

"This isn't you, winding me up, is it?" I growled, distrustfully.

"No, it was just the idea of you being in love with me. For some reason I found it hysterically funny, I apologize. No one has ever... You _are_ the first woman to suggest such a thing in over four hundred years, you know. Not too many," He kissed me. "beautiful young ladies," He kissed me again. "would find me," Another kiss. "all that worthy of love."

He kissed me again, but chastely, holding my hands in his. He stepped away, looking like he didn't want to leave.

"Until tomorrow night, Valkyrie Cain." He tipped his hat to me, and was gone out the window. By the time I could move the Bentley was long gone.

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**Poor Skulduggery was just gobsmacked that Valkyrie loved him in return, hence his fits of hysterical laughter. Plus, he does enjoy teasing her, so it is that too. Don't tell Skulduggery, but Valkyrie loves it when he teases her. Shhh!**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own Skulduggery or Valkyrie. Thanks go out to **2662Sophya**, **AvengersAssemble7**, **Bubblegum Lord**, **stonygirl1999**, **noonespecial**, ** .Reckgrace**, and a mysterious **Guest** for reviewing Chapter 2 and all the requests for this chapter. Sorry it too so long, but enjoy!

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It was the following night and we were riding along smoothly in the Bentley. Skulduggery had gotten over his amusement and was doing is best to be a charming companion and proper gentleman.

The radio was playing softly and he had insisted we go for a moonlit drive. "You know, Valkyrie I am thankful that you came out tonight. I had no reason to expect you to after last night. I do apologize." He reached for my hand and held it gently and I smiled over at him.

"Skulduggery, last night was the way we always get along. We love to tease one another, and play fight and torment each other. I don't expect you to become all serious now, I miss the idiot I normally work with."

He snorted. "Don't be jealous of my genius, ah, here we are." He said, reaching the end of a dirt road. An old weathered barn lay ahead, nothing else. It was rather creepy, considering there wasn't even an abandoned farmhouse, just the barn. Skulduggery shed his disguise and looked over at me.

"They leveled the farmhouse decades ago, but a farmer several farms over still keeps this old barn. They don't make them like this anymore, but this, my dearest combat accessory is where we will have our date. I'll get your door, m'dear." He gave me a cocky grin and touched the brim of his hat before getting out.

Instead of coming around the front end he stopped at the boot and arrived at my door with a picnic basket on one arm. I was, despite my misgivings, utterly charmed. Skulduggery helped me out and I took his proffered arm.

We walked together, arm and arm in the moonlight into the barn, where Skulduggery opened the massive door just wide enough for us to enter with a gesture. He set the basket down then summoned a flame. But instead of using it to light our way he gestured and it rose up, higher and higher until it reached a candle enclosed in a lamp on a sort of chandelier.

Skulduggery gestured again and the cover lifted and he easily lit the candle. He repeated the process with five other candles all attached to the same metal hoop, and the barn was bathed in a warm glow. "Impressive, aren't I?" He grinned smugly.

I was going to roll my eyes at him, but he was being nice. "Yes, yes you are. Look at this place, Skulduggery, it looks brand new." The inside of the barn did look new, and there were hay bales stacked to one end with invitingly soft hay already piled on the floor in front of them.

Skulduggery produced a blanket from the basket and gestured for me to sit. He sat beside me, sighing contentedly. "If anyone had told me two days ago I'd have my best friend and partner here with me and that she would love me as much as I love her I'd have laughed at them. Then I would have punched them for hurting my feelings." He grinned at me fondly, then gestured for me to open the basket.

I found a variety of take away cartons, a thermos of coffee and a bottle of soda, I smiled at Skulduggery. He couldn't cook to save his life and we both knew it. "Thank you, Skulduggery, and I meant it. I wouldn't have believed we be out here either, I never thought you felt the same way, to be honest." Skulduggery leaned in and kissed me in reply and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I returned the kiss.

The picnic was lovely and we used the time to test the waters. We were finding the perfect balance between our normal merciless teasing and taking into account our new feelings when I heard a soft cry.

I looked around for the source and saw a small kitten wandering out from between the hay bales towards us, tail raised high in joyous greeting. She ran right to us and jumped in my lap, something unusual for any barn cat to do.

I played with her gently, relaxing back into the hay bales behind us, then set her down. She wandered away and I turned to Skulduggery. "That was wonderful, Skulduggery, I mean it. That was also one strange kitten." Skulduggery grinned.

"I think she likes you, but I hoped you saved room for dessert." He said, reaching into jacket and producing a packet of Pop Tarts. I laughed and accepted them, delighted. I understood the gesture for the sweet thing it was meant to be. Cold Pop Tarts were the best Skulduggery could ever manage for breakfast.

All too soon the candles were put out and we were back in the Bentley. Skulduggery drove me home, smiling at me from time to time. There he saw me to the door and kissed me goodnight. A very magical evening indeed.

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**Those two are just so cute together!**


End file.
